Azure Flame

Back in the days when I was a mere novice at writing rants, one of the series that met the wrath of my keyboard was none other than Jyu-oh-sei. At the time, I had only seen four episodes of the series, but my opinion was clear- four episodes were more than enough. Nonetheless, almost half a year later, I was to return to Jyu-oh-sei- not because I suddenly became convinced that it had hidden worth, but purely for the purposes of parodying it.

Indeed, as far as parody goes, Jyu-oh-sei is a veritable goldmine of material, but unfortunately, the very aspects that make it easy to make fun of also prevent it from having much in the way of entertainment value. The tale of twin cyclewear models brothers ripped from their sterile and futuristic life on the Juno colony and sent to prison planet Chimera somehow covers the entire spectrum of awfulness- from the laughably ridiculous to the downright dire, no type of mediocrity is neglected. Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei: The ending made the rest of the series look like Mushishi…

Last time on Jyu-oh-sei: The plot was revealed to be completely ridiculous, Odin explained his desire to become a final boss with unlimited HARD GAY partners, and certain characters switched sides for no apparent reason.

And now the conclusion…

Thor, Third, Loki and the generics prepare to enter part one of the final boss dungeon on Hecate.

Loki: It looks like Valkyrie has locked down the Ion II research centre and turned it into a special boss dungeon just for us.

(Thor: Thank god I brought all these expendable generics along.) Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 11 [end]…

Thor, Tiz and Third talk to the generics inside Dagger Pagoda.

Generic: Wow, I never imagined that you’d be so good looking.

(Thor: Is this guy trying to hit on me? He should know that I’m only interested in named characters.) Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 10…

At Night Ring, Thor stands outside Tiz’ room.

Thor: Tiz, please let me in; all I said was that I loved Karin instead of you- I don’t know why you’re so angry about a little thing like that.

Tiz opens the door.

Tiz: Look, I understand that you’re the main character, but at least let me be your second wife.

(Thor: Now that’s what I like to hear.) Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 9…

Third is looking at adult videos in the control room when Rada knocks on the door.

Rada: Third, Thor and Tiz have gone again.

Third: Damn, when will they learn to stop leaving me behind- I hardly had any screen time last episode. I guess I’d better go after them.

Rada: Hey, what were you doing in here in the first place?

Third: Uh, nothing… Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 8…

In the depths of space, Captain Heimdall reports to Odin.

Heimdall: Sir, should we begin Operation Midgard?

Odin: Ah, an evil scheme worthy of a final villain such as myself. Of course, we must go ahead with it, but more than that, I want my magic CCTV operational- it only seems to be displaying numbers at the moment.

Loki: I am a kindly scientist, so I must lodge a protest at the evilness of this plan.

Odin: Your objection is noted and duly ignored. Ah, if only Klein were here…oh wait, I was the one who ordered his death.

Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 7…

Using the magic of television, the story has jumped ahead several years.

Zagi’s people (Blanc Ring) attack Night Ring. Zagi confronts its Top, Jeso.

Jeso: You won’t defeat me so easily!

Zagi: Who are you kidding? I’m an OP character, whilst this is your first appearance.

A messenger from Night Ring makes his way to Ochre Ring in order to meet up with Thor, Tiz and Third (now Top, Second and Third of Ochre Ring).

Thor: Look at me; I’ve gone through puberty; now I’m a fifteen year old MAN with a deep voice! Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 6…

Thor confronts Third and punches him in the face.

Third: How could you do that to my beautiful face? There’ll be a bruise there now.

Thor: I didn’t want a Try! I haven’t levelled up enough to face Top yet!

Third: Levelling up is overrated. If you can’t do it now, you’ll ruin the whole plot.

Thor: If it’s so important to the plot, why don’t you fight Top? Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 5…

At dinner, Ochre Ring’s Top talks to Chen.

Top: Anyway, don’t you think I’m great? I’m so MANLY and impressive that you really should be falling over yourself to get into bed with me.

Chen: I’m sorry, but I’d never even consider having a relationship with someone as generically designed as you. Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 4…

Third is talking to his HARD GAY partner, Rada, as he stares outside.

Rada: What are you looking at, Third?

Third: Nothing, really, I just sense that the plot will get moving soon.

Rada: I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re interested in that boy again.

Third: Well, he is the main character. If I want to have some screen time, I’d better stick close to him. Continue reading Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 3…