So, after months of being on WordPress, I’ve taken up Randall Fitzgerald’s offer of free hosting on ikimashou.net. What does this mean for you, the reader? Well, the original WordPress blog will stay where it is, and I’ll still reply to any comments that appear on there, but from now on all new content will be posted on http://azureflame.ikimashou.net, so please update all links and bookmarks. As I’m sure you’ll notice, the sidebar on the new blog isn’t ready yet, but I’ll be tinkering with it soon, and for now the Episode Guides section is down since WordPress imported what were meant to be sub-pages as posts. So just be patient, and everything will be back to normal soon, with a new theme, new banner and the long-awaited poll function, among other things.

In case anyone is wondering, my non-anime blog, the creatively entitled Azure Flame B-Side, will be continuing on WordPress as normal.

“It’s about time he gave me some BI to make up for yesterday!”

“Sorry, I’ve already booked Oreld for today.”

“It’s been almost twenty-four hours since we last had BI- I’m starting get withdrawal symptoms.”

“In fact, we should just do it here and now- I guarantee that having Pleasure out in the open enhances the experience.”

“I’ve been having BI here ever since I was just a boy.”

“Hey, maybe a touch of wine would help you relax and get in the mood.”

“Hang on a sec, my zipper seems to be stuck.”

“Why do have this fascination with having BI with me?”

“I could see that STRAIGHT was making you miserable, and I wanted you to see that Pleasure can be enjoyable too.”

“Just forget your tragic back story and join my harem!”

“I can’t just forget it when it’s an integral part of my character development!”

“My boyfriend will return, and we’ll have STRAIGHT together!”

“I should have known you were just using me for quick BI! That’s all I am to you, isn’t it?”

“Damn, that evil goatee guy is back.”

“Hey buddy, how about you leave her alone and have HARD GAY with me instead?”

“Oreld, you know this is a STRAIGHT or BI establishment only!”

“You must be that guy who’s always having BI, right?”

“Don’t worry, Hannah, I won’t let him taint you with BI.”

An enraged Oreld starts having violent HARD GAY with Mr Goatee.

“What hideous HARD GAY!”

“If you’re so desperate for HARD GAY, why don’t you let us service you?”

“Those burly men give really painful HARD GAY.”

“Where did you find guys like that?”

“Unfortunately, there are more than a few people who try to relieve their pent up frustrations with HARD GAY.”

“I keep them on hand to put such people off of HARD GAY for a while.”

“I just wanted to make Hannah happy by giving her some good Pleasure.”

“You may be a named character, but do you really think that makes you good enough to cure everyone’s misery with your Pleasure?”

“Trust me, boy, you can’t do it.”

“No one person has the skill or stamina to Pleasure everyone successfully.”

“Hannah wants STRAIGHT with her boyfriend, and not even the best BI in the world can compare in her mind.”

“What a shame he’s only good for CORPSE.”

“Naturally, she still believes that people with tragic back stories are somehow qualified for happy endings.”

“So even while she was waiting for him, he died in the throes of HARD GAY?”

“Exactly- cruel world, isn’t it?”

“Just leave her alone from now on, and stop encouraging her hopes with screen time.”

“Hey, Randel, mind if I stop by for some quick exposition?”

“I can’t understand any woman so hung up on STRAIGHT with one particular guy that she’d rather have CORPSE with him than BI with me.”

“Even so, I feel like this is a challenge I can’t back away from.”

“Well, you know, the episode isn’t over yet, so who knows what will happen next?”

“I used to think that CORPSE was all that was left for me too- after all, I have a tendency to kill my lovers.”

“But now, I think I’ve finally come to realise that I can have Pleasure with the living too.”

“Section III is full of named characters who can withstand the intensity of my Pleasure.”

“If there’s still hope, I should look in this book for new techniques that might win her over.”

“Time for Round Two of Operation Seduce Hannah.”

“No matter how many times you ask me for BI, I can’t keep betraying my boyfriend!”

“Stop clinging onto a CORPSE! You need to move on!”

“And surely you realise he joined the army because he wanted HARD GAY?”

“He liked other men, so it’s okay for you to do the same.”

“His company chose to have HARD GAY in the trenches.”

“It was an exhausting group session that killed half of them.”

“Even so, their HARD GAY was too important to give up.”

“The situation was grim, and their Liangs became limp and useless.”

“Most of them were completely incapacitated.”

“In the end, they chose to go out in one final burst of Pleasure.”

“Now that I realise my boyfriend died in the throes of HARD GAY, I can magically get over my heartbreak and move on.”

“She was just a one shot character! What would I get upset about?”

“I just wanted to teach her about BI.”

“Didn’t you have feelings for her?”

“Eh, she was just another conquest to increase the numbers, you know?”

“Okay, everyone, it’s time for today’s BI!”

(“No one must know of my embarrassing failure to add her to my regular harem.”)

Living away from home, a young girl is all but ready to throw away the mementoes of growing up…until a mysterious yet familiar young boy appears to show her that one doesn’t always need to put away childish things. The daughter of a yakuza family is set to marry the head of an opposing clan, but she knows she isn’t yet ready to say goodbye to the boy she likes. A half-witch named Shalala dreams of becoming as powerful as her peers by gaining the teardrops of a human boy, but will her chosen man ever cry. And in a future where advanced robots can pass as humans, a mysterious old woman chooses to spend what may be her final days with two of her creations. In each of these four one-shot stories, a unique relationship is showcased, but will the protagonists realise just what is important to them?

A collection of one shot stories by Yumeka Sumomo, Natsukashi Machi no Rozione takes a break from the mangaka’s usual predilection for yaoi and shounen-ai to focus on a more varied range of relationships, from the platonic to the romantic. It’s thanks to these different dynamics, and the imaginative range of settings they are placed in, that Rozione manages to avoid the usual fate of one shot chapters- that of reading what is effectively the same story over and over. Instead, each story is interesting and refreshingly unique, but sadly, it is also far from perfect. It may simply be due to the quality of translation, but there are often points where the stories feel rushed and unclear, leaving the reader to fill in the gaps and figure out what happened. The second story is the least affected by this, and together with the first tale makes for the most self-contained and coherent instalments, but the last two chapters feel more like fragments from what could and perhaps should have been a more in depth exploration of their respective worlds.

When it comes to the artwork, however, there are no such qualms. The character designs are absorbingly beautiful, with a light and almost feathery feel that ensures that the eye would be drawn to the page even the story made no sense whatsoever. Backgrounds are often nonexistent, but are solid where they appear, and complement the characters well without overshadowing them.

Final Thoughts
For something I randomly chose to investigate, Natsukashi Machi no Rozione turned out to be reasonably enjoyable, but where the artwork was beautiful and the basic settings were interesting, flaws in the execution ensured that it just did not come together as well as it could have. It’s worthy enough as a quick read, but there are plenty of better series out there that you should investigate first.

When Oreld decides to have BI with a new woman, he is surprised to find that she doesn’t seem turned on by his Pleasure. Can he show her the marvels of BI, or is she too hung up on STRAIGHT with her absent boyfriend?

Oreld contemplates his lover of the previous night.

“He actually thought I was giving him Sword, when really it was only Dagger.”

“Ah, who could this hooded unknown be- my next conquest, perhaps?”

“A woman? Time to switch to BI mode.”

Add just one more kanji and the episode becomes 朝霧の巫女, which we know in English as Shrine of the Morning Mist.

In order to prevent strain on the field members of Section III, each person is only allowed BI once.

“BI is his specialty, and with so many people queued up, we could use his help servicing them.”

“Sorry, I thought that if I worked over here I could exclusively service all the most attractive clients and leave the ugliest generics to the rest of you.”

“I’ve had enough HARD GAY lately, so it’s women only for me today, I’m afraid.”

“I’m only allowed to give you BI once today, but feel to come to my house later for an extra session!”

“Hey, could it be that Morning Mist woman again?”

“Damn, just a deliberately misleading generic; who would have thought more than one person wore a hooded cloak in this town?”

“Now to take my mind off it by having BI with the next person in line…here, madam, if you wouldn’t mind holding my Liang…”

“What the hell is this!? I said attractive women only!”

“Oreld, I thought I made it clear that BI sessions are only to last two hours, or the girls will be too tired to give me HARD YURI!”

As well as BI, ‘sausage’ can be bought in this establishment.

No one should leave without trying the ‘sausage’.

“It’s that woman again! Could this be the working of the plot?”

“By the power of this magic lamp, skip forward to the next evening!”

“That guy has a moustache and goatee- he must be evil!”

“And yet all I can do is watch him whilst I audition for a role in Bartender.”

“What can I say- I have a healthy appetite for Pleasure.”

“What a shame the usual girls aren’t around to give you BI, then.”

“I’m happy to take you as a partner- what do you say to that?”

“You’re a hundred years too early to sleep with me, my boy!”

“Now, let’s talk about the Girl of the Week, Hannah, who has been giving BI since she was seventeen.”

“She has a typically tragic backstory.”

“BI is very stressful on the body at that age.”

“Oh, but there’s more to her tragic backstory.”

“Sorry, I’m not very up on current events- what war are we talking about here?”

“Poor boy, seduced by the HARD GAY of the army.”

“Oreld, you’re being asked for BI.”

“BI? Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

“Oh, you meant BI with Alice- how boring.”

“I’m your superior officer! When I ask for BI, you’re supposed to hop to it!”

Once again, the lamp swiftly moves events forward to the evening.

“Since I never heard back about that role in Bartender, now I’m working as a food critic.”

“Anyway, it’s amazing what you learn as a food critic- for example, had you ever heard of cutlery before?”

“You know, I can’t help feeling this BI wasn’t entirely successful.”

“Trust me, I’m just happy for the screen time.”

Oreld catches Randel having CAT- his secret shame.

“You didn’t see me having CAT, did you?”

“Oh, in that case, welcome to my humble abode.”

“How about some dinner? I have all flavours of cat food.”

Here’s some gratuitous catservice.

“You know, I thought I was having a bad episode, but compared to a man who has to resort to CAT, I guess I’m pretty well off.”

“And that’s saying something when my last encounter felt just like CORPSE.”

“Poor guy, CAT is a lot better than CORPSE.”

“Oreld’s been having CORPSE! I never thought that he of all people would be that desperate.”

“I can’t believe he kept this from us.”

“Instead of confronting him about this, let’s just stand behind him and whisper loudly.”

“I need to pay for Pleasure.”

“We must follow him and find out if he is really having CORPSE.”

“Well, he seems to be going into a BI establishment after all.”

“And he’s found a living partner.”

“Was the BI better this time?”

“Let’s have another session!”

Oreld tries to get Hannah to enjoy the BI experience more by including a motorcycle.

“It wasn’t CORPSE after all! He was just trying to teach BI to a prostitute who usually gives STRAIGHT!”

As a newbie anime fan, one of the earliest series I ever watched was Ceres, Celestial Legend. Fuelled by a desire to expand my experience with Yuu Watase beyond Fushigi Yuugi, I watched all 24 episodes of the anime in the course of about three evenings, and at the time, it seemed a worthy endeavour. Thus it was that in more recent times, I decided to revisit the series by way of the original manga and a rewatching of the anime- and it was only then that I could see how bad the animated version actually is.

Before I get into the anime, however, I should admit that when it comes to the manga, at least, Ceres is actually quite an enjoyable series. A mix of romance and horror, Ceres tells the story of Aya Mikage, a girl who learns on her sixteenth birthday that she is possessed by the reincarnation of her ancestor, a celestial maiden named Ceres. From then on, Aya’s life is turned upside down as her own family turns against her, separating her from twin brother Aki and placing her at the centre of an endgame involving science, magic and a generations-old desire for vengeance.

Of course, it would be foolish not to admit that Ceres has the same shoujo trappings that appear in any Yuu Watase title- there’s the plucky and determined lead who won’t let anything stop her, the Nice Guy bishounen who falls in love with the lead even though he’ll always be second husband and the Mysterious Sexy Bishounen who forms the main love interest of the series. Even so, the series is different enough from the usual fare to be worth a look, weaving in as it does darker elements about incest, rape and everything that forms the ‘flip side’ of the usually bright and cheery shoujo world. It may not be perfect, but between its interestingly different story and beautiful artwork, Ceres is at least a solid series in manga form, and one that is worth looking into. The anime, unfortunately, is a different story.

Where the manga ran for fourteen volumes, the anime somehow compresses the entire story into a mere twenty-four episodes, and as you might imagine, there are lot of sacrifices made along the way. Entire arcs and characters have been chopped out, whilst the remaining content has been compressed to such an extent that the story is too fast paced for its own good. Without the time for proper development or explanation, events happen for what often seems like no reason, with jarring shifts such as the leads suddenly being deeply in love despite have only briefly met. Matters only become worse towards the end, where a lack of clear explanation and some changes from the manga version lead to what is essentially a series of confusingly inconsistent explanations as to what is going on.

The worst example of this centres on a character named Shuro; in the manga, she is an important character who appears as a fellow celestial maiden and eventual friend from volume six onwards, however in the anime, her role is cut to but a single episode towards the end of the series. If this was to be case, then arguably she shouldn’t have been in the anime at all, but as her abilities also play a key plot role in initiating the final boss confrontation, it was deemed necessary that she appear. Even discounting how strange it is to place a standalone episode at a point in the series when the main plot is fully rolling, Shuro’s one shot appearance in the anime is utterly jarring- those who have read the manga can at least appreciate the cameo, but those who have no idea who she is must surely wonder why there is such a focus on this randomly introduced character, let alone how the writers could possibly expect anyone to care about her hastily explained back story and motivations.

So, then, can anyone expect to enjoy such a poorly paced anime? Well, obvious Watase fans will no doubt jump at the chance to see it, and anime newcomers such as I was when I first watched it will probably not be overly critical of its flaws. Other than that, however, it remains more of a curiosity for fans of the manga who want to see some of their favourite scenes in animated form; since whilst the anime complements the ‘real story’, it cannot possibly hope to stand on its own.

Final Thoughts
As a manga, Ceres quite possible ranks as Watase’s best series, and it is certainly something worth recommending, but unfortunately, the anime is nowhere near in the same league. By all means try it if you wish, but always be aware that the rushed storyline and shallow characterisation marks it as only a pale reflection of the original work.

Zhou Yu assembles the other Wu generals.

Zhou Yu: Thanks to my lax security, er, I mean my incompetent underlings, our enemy was able to have Arrow with our lord Sun Quan. This must never happen again.

Meanwhile, Ling Tong tries to have FISH, but is unsuccessful.

Lu Xun: Are your hands all right, Ling Tong? Don’t tire them out having FISH when I need you to pleasure me later.

Ling Tong: Hah! Even if I Pleasured the entire enemy forces, I would still have the energy for you.

In order to prove his point, Ling Tong tries to have ROCK, but only ends up hurting himself. Ling Cao arrives.

Ling Cao: You seem to have missed the point, son; it’s not about having Pleasure with as many different things as possible, but rather refining your technique. Your enemy will deliver intense HARD GAY, and only the strong and talented can hope to withstand it.

Ling Tong: Why do you still treat me like a kid who’s only able to have HARD GAY with his father? I’m not a child- I’m ready for more partners now!

Having claimed not to be a child, Ling Tong childishly throws away his wooden sword and stomps away. Later, Lu Xun comes over to him.

Lu Xun: You know, Ling Tong, you’re already having HARD GAY with the main character, so you can’t say you’re useless.

Ling Tong: Thanks, aniki, I now immediately feel better!

Lu Xun: You have your father to thank as well- he was the one who first taught you HARD GAY, after all.

Ling Tong: Hmmph, if you ask me he’s fed up with having HARD GAY with me- he’s even forgotten his promise to teach me his ultimate techniques.

Lu Xun: I think someone’s got a crush on their daddy!

Ling Tong: No, I haven’t! I, er, I just want him to recognise my Liang.

Elsewhere, Zhao Yun watches over Liu Bei, who for some reason is a young child in this anime.

Liu Bei: Excuse me, can you explain why I look like a junior high school girl in this series?

Liu Bei looks outside and sees Zhuge Liang washing his hair with Head and Shoulders.

Liu Bei: Such lustrous, silky and shining locks! I must find out what shampoo he uses!

There is a close up on Zhuge’s red lips.

Liu Bei: And that lipstick too! Could he be a model for a cosmetics company?

As Liu Bei falls out of his carriage, Zhuge vanishes, leaving behind some Boots vouchers.

At the Wu borders, the enemy attacks with fearsome HARD GAY and RAGING HARD ONs. A soldier reports to Zhou Yu.

Soldier: Sir, the enemy is attacking us! The three generals you sent to the front lines were not enough to police the entirety of our extensive borders.

Zhou Yu: Damn, why am I so useless!?

On a boat, the leader of the evil, Huang Zu, practises being villainous.

Huang Zu: Gwakaka, destruction, blood, fire and evil! Did I miss anything out?

Gan Ning: Sir, why don’t we stop being evil and retire to the bedroom?

Huang Zu: Gan Ning, once your gentle embrace was all I needed, but no longer! I must hear the screams as I have my way with helpless lovers!

Gan Ning: If it would help, I will let you treat me roughly.

Huang Zu: You fool! Your HARD GAY no longer interests me, for it is weak compared to what the Lord’s Cube has given me.

Back in Wu, Lu Xun leads his party of named characters through the streets.

Lu Xun: I can’t believe that Huang Zu could have twisted HARD GAY this much. It is supposed to an expression of love, not something hideous and rough.

Zhuge Jin: It is human nature to want to be dominant and have one’s way with submissives.

In the distance, a HARD GAY aura is seen.

Lu Xun: They have the power of Hyper Self Pleasure!

Ling Tong: How dare they!? Only Wu should have that power!

Zhou Yu: The only counter to their Hyper Self Pleasure is a HARD GAY formation of our own. Lu Meng, Zhuge Jin, you wanted to be civil officials, so you must go to the front lines; Lu Xun, Ling Tong, you stay behind and service my needs. Generics, just stand around.

Lu Xun: How can you make me stay behind when I’m the main character?

Zhou Yu: Patience, my boy- your deus ex machina powers will be needed in due course.

Ling Cao: Listen to Zhou Yu, boy, he may be ineffectual at security but he knows how to set up a good HARD GAY formation. By the way, how is my son?

Lu Xun: He had a bit too much ROCK, but he’s fine now.

Ling Cao: It’s my fault, really; the boy only had me as a partner when growing up, and now he desperately craves new lovers. Therefore I must leave him to you whilst I nip off to have some HORSE.

Lu Xun meets up with Ling Tong, whilst Taishi Ci has intense HARD GAY with an enemy.

Taishi Ci: What brute force! This is what Pleasure is all about!

As Taishi Ci and the other generals are overpowered by the enemy’s intense Pleasure, Ling Cao arrives.

Ling Cao: This is a job for my advanced techniques!

Enemy: Rock and Sword!

Taishi: Damn you, how dare you flaunt your immense Hyper Self Pleasure abilities? You killed my lover!

Lu Meng: Attack Mode On! This is what being a civil servant is all about!

Taishi Ci and Lu Meng overpower Generic Enemy #1.

Generic Enemy #1: Pleasure Field! No one can withstand the intensity of my HARD GAY aura!

Ling Tong and Lu Xun watch the action.

Ling Tong: When are we going to get any HARD GAY?

Lu Xun: Be patient- we are more important characters than they are.

Ling Cao: Musou Attack!

Generic Enemy #2: AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

The generic enemy crumbles into purple sparkles.

Taishi Ci/Lu Meng: Double Musou!

Generic Enemy #1 is similarly dispatched. Meanwhile, Zhuge Jin and a general face Generic Enemy #3.

Zhuge Jin: Long distance HARD GAY! WEB!

Zhuge Jin entraps Generic Enemy #3 in his web and dispatches him.

Zhuge Jin: Who says you need to be up close and personal to have good HARD GAY?

Huang Zu is having HORSE behind the front lines.

Huang Zu: How dare they get defeated and force me to terminate my HORSE session? Regroup, soldiers!

(Huang Zu: Do I even have any other soldiers?)

As Huang Zu rides away, Ling Tong spots him.

Ling Tong: This is my chance to get some EXP! Commence Attack Mode!

Ling Tong initiates battle, forcing Lu Xun to join his party. His boomerang puts an abrupt end to Huang Zu’s HORSE.

Huang Zu: How dare you interrupt my HORSE!? Hyper Self Pleasure!

Huang Zu’s HARD GAY aura throws Lu Xun and Ling Tong back. Huang Zu prepares to attack Lu Xun, but his aura diminishes.

Huang Zu: What’s happening? Could the strain of this intense HARD GAY be getting too much for me?

Gan Ning appears.

Gan Ning: Arrow!

Lu Xun receives Arrow.

Gan Ning: Sir, you have treated me badly and I am destined to defect, but for now, run away!

Huang Zu mounts his horse and rides away.

Gan Ning: Damn, a pair of children- I was hoping for better HARD GAY partners.

Ling Tong: Don’t you dare insult my prowess in the bedroom!

Lu Xun rushes forward to have HARD GAY with Gan Ning.

Ling Tong: I want a man to myself, so I’ll go after Huang Zu!

Ling Tong starts running away.

Gan Ning: Hey, you were supposed to have HARD GAY with me!

Gan Ning fires an arrow at Ling Tong’s back, who starts to turn around.

Ling Cao: Dramatic Slow Motion Mode!

Ling Cao takes the Arrow for Ling Tong.

(Ling Cao: So this is how I die, in the throes of mere Arrow…)

Lu Xun: RAGING HARD-ON!

Lu Xun knocks Gan Ning backwards with a fire attack. Conveniently an unspecified amount of time passes whilst Ling Tong crouches over Ling Cao’s body in a specially ordered rainstorm.

Ling Tong: Father, take this healing item- it will restore your HP!

Ling Cao: It’s too late, son, my time in this series is over. Polish your skills, and find new HARD GAY partners- I know you are ready.

Ling Cao dies.

To be continued…

This week, let’s begin with an amusing comment that sadly didn’t make it past the net of approval. Intended to appear on the long-dormant Annual Round Up, it reads only “HI! My name is Ndaproverka, and i search frend!  :)”. Good luck, Nodaproverka, I hope you find Frend, whoever he is.

Gundam Pizza Hut
Many of you must have wondered where the Gundam franchise would go next, or how it could possible top the masterpiece of angst, pointless characters, flashbacks and long stretches of boredom that is commonly referred to as Gundam Seed Destiny. Fortunately, Tuesday Rumble can exclusively reveal the next title in the long-running Gundam franchise- Gundam Pizza Hut!

In a universe where numerous factions on Earth and in orbiting space colonies are in constant conflict for no good reason, delivering pizzas can be a dangerous task. After numerous pizza-carrying Zakus are destroyed, Pizza Hut designs five new mobile suits- Gundams- designed to safely deliver pizzas to all corners of the solar system. When four of the Gundams are stolen by rival pizza restaurant Domino’s Pizza, however, an epic battle begins. Can KirAthruShinn, pilot of the Cheese and Tomato Gundam, outwit the Domino pilots of the stolen Hawaiian, Olive, Pepperoni and Stuffed Crust Gundams and ensure that hungry customers get piping hot Pizza Hut? Find out on Gundam Pizza Hut!

KyoAni presents Toilet Cleaners, or A Guide to Hype
When KyoAni announces that they will be producing a new anime about the working lives of toilet cleaners, the fanboys go wild. Let’s chart their reactions.

1.      At first, there is general upset- a season spent on Toilet Cleaners is one less season for Haruhi, FMP and the latest Key adaptation.

2.      Nonetheless, the discord soon passes- after all, this is KyoAni, and so Toilet Cleaners is bound to be great.

3.      Numerous blog posts based around promotional artwork, CMs and general anticipation of Toilet Cleaners start to infest the BlogWorld. Some people start reading the Toilet Cleaners manga in order to be prepared for the anime, whilst Hung gets upset that this will stop a.f.k. from subbing more Animal Yokocho.

4.      By the time Toilet Cleaners is ready to air, the anticipation is at fever pitch. Every fanboy is thoroughly excited about this exciting anime that will expose the heretofore unseen lives of the humble toilet cleaners.

5.      Episode one airs, and even those who do not know a word of Japanese rush to download the raw. Up to twenty five minutes are then spent watching it.

6.      When it comes to viewers’ attention that an anime about cleaning toilets cannot be anything other than utter crap, a complete backlash occurs. In short order, everyone is posting about how awful Toilet Cleaners is and how the hype has led to disappointment.

7.      Within the next week or so, a subbed version appears, episode two airs, and more people pick up the series. It now become popular to buck the trend of hating Toilet Cleaners and post about how it really isn’t that bad, and is in fact quite entertaining in places.

8.      By the time the fourth episode has aired, hardly anyone cares anymore…unless of course the series does something high profile like changing director.

Reideen Pick and Mix

“I’ve finally worked out how to beat Solitaire!”

“Are you saying you want to have HORSE?”

“How many times do I have to turn you down before you’ll realise I don’t want to go out with you!?”

“But you’re the only one who can arouse me!”

“Don’t even bother to try that old line- I’m just not interested.”

New Wang’s headquarters are spotted.

“I think that will result in a better HARD GAY experience overall.”

Random Thoughts: Nanoha

This week we catch Nanoha on set during the filming of the latest episode of StrikerS! We know you’ve all been dying to hear her thoughts on this new series, so listen carefully!

So, Nanoha, you were only nine years old when you first starred in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. Was it difficult being a child star, especially one that so many lolicons were ogling over?
Well, although not many people know this, I’d actually already played a sixth-grader in Triangle Heart, and it was from there that I got the job for Nanoha. It was a bit strange to go back to playing a third grader, and to be honest, I always wondered why more people didn’t question the fact that it was left to a bunch of nine year olds to save the world. As for the whole lolicon issue, I honestly had no idea that kind of thing was associated with our series- I thought they were watching it because of my acting skills.

How do you answer accusations that Raising Heart is the one that does all the work in battle whilst you just stand there?
Raising Heart: That is correct- Nanoha is useless-

Nanoha: Shut up! Next question, please.

Well then, moving on to StrikerS, did you expect to be sidelined for a whole bunch of new characters that, quite frankly, no one cares about?
I guess there’s no point hiding it anymore- that tight-fisted studio weren’t willing to pay us recurring characters the fee we deserve, and we ended up in court arguing over it. Since they couldn’t exactly make the show without us with a huge backlash, we eventually came to a agreement that we would accept the lower wage but work in fewer scenes. We honestly thought that the studio would realise their folly and eventually agree to pay us more, but those skinflints just brought in a bunch of cheap to hire newcomers- can you believe it?

Could you also explain the logic between using a limiter to downgrade your impressive power?
That’s obvious, isn’t it? This series has to last twenty-six episodes, so they can’t just have us blowing away the enemy right at the beginning. Instead, we have to act like weaklings and wait for those damned newcomers to level up.

And finally, are you allowed to drop any hints as to what we can expect to see in future episodes of StrikerS?
I have to keep the specifics strictly confidential, but you can expect a lot of transformation sequences and fights against generic enemies.

This Week in Anime

Onions, potatoes and carrots decide to undergo essential bonding by going on a camping trip together.

Kenichi finds himself at the mercy of an apple infection.

The cure is swift but dangerous.

…and re-infection is always a problem.

Anime Awards

Most enjoyable flashback of the week goes to Claymore, which seems to have improved with the advent of its flashback arc.

Most forgettable OVA of the week has already been forgotten, but is a prize that deserves to be shared between Sakura Taisen New York and Murder Princess.

Widest angle scene of the week appears in Heroic Age, which gives widescreen a new meaning with its needlessly wide angled battle scenes.

HARD GAY corner: Gundam Seed
Kira and Athrun were HARD GAY partners from childhood, but a cruel fate saw them separated and forced to fight on opposing sides. Although Athrun had new lovers in the form of Yzak, Nicol and Dearka, he longed for Kira’s skilled embrace, whilst Kira’s Coordinator skills made all his Natural lovers seem unskilled- only Mu La Flaga could even come close to satisfying him.

After numerous experiments with passing lovers, and even brief dabbling in the world of STRAIGHT, Kira and Athrun were eventually able to reconcile with each other and experience a new form of HARD GAY known as ‘SEED’, but little did they know that their idyllic days were numbered.

To be continued in HARD GAY Corner: Gundam Seed Destiny.

OST spotlight: Phantom Brave
As the bonus disc that comes with the Phantom Brave game, this short CD isn’t one I would have bought on its own was it not provided. That’s not to say it is bad; in fact, the melodic orchestral blend of lilting themes often reaches quite a high standard for game music- it may not be able to challenge the greats, but it is still worthy on its own merit at times. Unfortunately, it isn’t really consistent, with some of the slower vocal ballads feeling more dull and interminable than engaging.

Notable tracks: Thinking of You, Grand Melody, Game Braker, Strange Wind, Sorrow

Licensing Reactions

• Saiunkoku Monogatari (Geneon): This isn’t unexpected since Geneon already acquired a SaiMono domain name, but now it is finally official, and whilst I love the series and want it in DVD, 39 episodes across singles will a bit too much of a strain on the budget, forcing me to wait for a boxset.

Mini-editorial: How similar should the anime and manga be?
I’ve talked about anime adaptations that have been better or worse than their original manga, but when it comes down to it, how similar should the two be? As we all know, changing the story in order to better suit the pacing of a twenty-five episode, adding in filler or changing the ending because the manga is unfinished are hardly uncommon, and yet they are also often cause for vocal complaints as a solid original story gets turned into something inferior. Then again, if the anime follows the manga exactly, no only does one become disinclined to experience the exact same story over again, but a certain amount of impatience and boredom creeps in due to knowing exactly what will come next.

Slice of life series such as Aria, Mushishi and Honey and Clover seem to be at their best when they echo the manga exactly, without ever feeling dull- and for some reason, it was the same with the faithful Hikaru no Go. Other faithful series such as the exposition-heavy Death Note, however, just feel surplus to requirements for anyone who is already familiar with the manga. On the flip side of the coin, the changes made to series such as Chobits only end up making the anime feel slower paced and more painful, perhaps because the original material is not that strong to begin with. Perhaps ultimately, this is a situation that needs to be taken on a series by series (or at least genre by genre) case, with consideration towards what works in each medium, and of course the quality of the core story.

Harem of the week: Keitaro Urashima- Love Hina
The luckless loser destined never to get into Tokyo University, Keitaro was a handed a harem of sorts by becoming manager of the Hinata Apartments, an all-female dormitory.

Harem

Naru Narusegawa: The main girl, and tsundere locked in a perpetual cycle of softening towards Keitaro and then beating up when he makes yet another unintentional faux pas.

Mitsune Konno (Kitsune): The laid back and forward older woman (in terms of attitude rather than age), has a fondness for drinking and causing trouble for others.

Kaolla Su: The eccentric inventor loli, can transform into an adult form under certain circumstances.

Shinobu: The quiet loli, shyly adores Keitaro.

Motoko Aoyama: The tough girl, a kendo expert scared to reveal a softer side.

Mutsumi: The sick girl, a childhood friend and love rival.

Sarah McDougal: Another loli, this one the aggressive and unruly type.

Rivals

Professor Noriyasu Seta: The object of Naru’s crush, and when she later turns to Keitaro, Kitsune reveals her feelings for him.

Lamba Lu: Cousin of Su, she seems to have feelings for him before giving him up to her sister Amalla.

Kentaro Sakata: An early rival for Naru’s affections until he becomes too minor to be a threat.

Fashion Police: Meg
The second entrant in our Burst Angel month of fashion diasasters, Meg illustrates what Selphie initially taught us- there are certain shades of yellow that should not be used extensively in clothing. Where Selphie wore a rag, however, Meg does at least cover herself up a bit, although much of the upper body and thighs are left exposed, with only the hideous yellow chaps attempting to compensate for a skirt so short that her panties are inevitably exposed. And above all else- why don’t her breasts pop out of the laughably small bit of fabric that is holding them in?

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: busou renkin hentai, porn toube, you toube

romance of the three kingdoms III winxp: Not here, I’m afraid.

Ginga Densetsu Weed Theme Downloads: people actually want this as a computer theme?

rotk rpg: Can’t find ROTK III? Make your own RPG instead.

autumn flame grass: what is this?

“love slave” baka updates: Maybe try Baka Updates instead of Azure Flame?

rpg maker xp stargate: Stargate the RPG, coming soon to a galaxy near you.

After randomly stopping off at yet another outpost of generics, Nadie and Ellis encounter Rita, a young girl who can’t seem to decide between HARD YURI and STRAIGHT. Can they help Rita make the right choice?

Once again, Nadie is hiring out Ellis for BI with one shot generics.

At long last, Ellis seems to have got the hang of pleasuring the customers.

Not for long.

“Of course I did, because even though we just met you are the main characters, and thus my best hope of screen time.”

Nadie and Ellis find a new lover.

“Are you interested in HARD YURI?”

“That HARD YURI didn’t seem very enthusiastic.”

“Fugly, unappealing and unattractive- I have them all!”

“How would you like an evening of STRAIGHT with yours truly?”

“Hey, thanks for your HARD YURI earlier- even if it wasn’t all that great, I appreciate the effort.”

“She’s at that age, you know- the one where you can’t decide your preferences.”

“And until she decides, she can’t hire herself out for Pleasure.”

“Wait a minute…you aren’t Ellis!”

“Yeah, I’m here to give you some basic BI.”

“Thanks for the BI, it was interesting.”

“When someone is in need of BI, I have sworn to give it to them.”

“You girls want a group session? I’m afraid I’m not licensed to perform one of those- it wouldn’t be safe.”

“Even so, I don’t mind spending the night with you two lovely ladies- you’ll understand when you see my wife.”

“Sketching a full landscape would be impossible.”

“You gave me quite mediocre HARD YURI before, and yet you came here to beg for more?”

“Looks like Rita is thinking about turning HARD YURI again.”

“Heh, I bet you’re just incapable of the kind of intense HARD YURI I’m looking for.”

“We’re perfectly capable of that kind of HARD YURI, but it would endanger your life.”

“Since we only care about achieving the ultimate Pleasure, we willingly put our lives at risk.”

“You definitely wouldn’t be able to withstand it.”

“Stop mocking me- HARD YURI is the same whether you’re in the city or the country.”

“It’s the truth, I tell you!”

“Yeah, right.”

“I can’t believe I stooped so low as to even think of asking you for HARD YURI!”

“Nadie wasn’t lying when she said our HARD YURI was dangerous- look, we even use Gun.”

“Ellis, what have I told you about touching my private parts without permission?”

“Hey ho, hey ho, a stalker’s life for me!”